Donald Trump’s fast food smorgasbord for the Clemson Tigers as they visited the White House following their national championship win over Alabama was the story of the day on Monday, as it’s both hilarious and absurd that the president trotted out the finest silver and china to set what had to have been lukewarm fast food offerings from McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Domino’s, and Burger King.
Now, it is important to remember the stated reason for this spread is the continuing government shutdown that has left hundreds of thousands of government employees without pay because Trump is using them as leverage to get money for a border wall to escalate his racist anti-immigration efforts. That shutdown, Trump claims, meant the White House chefs had been furloughed, leaving him to his own devices for dinner, which meant either 300 or 1,000 hamburgers/hamberders, along with nuggets, pizzas, fries, Filet-o-Fish sandwiches, and chicken sandwiches for the Tigers.
The footage that came out of the White House from reporters on the scene was absolutely surreal, as Trump was very excited about the spread. Clemson players, meanwhile, had something of a mixed reaction to the fast food buffet placed in front of them.
The Washington Post decided to proved a detailed infographic diagramming the buffet, with the exact placement of the various fast foods that were provided to Clemson as the strolled down the line. Because this story is ridiculous as is, let’s look at this and dive in on the best way to handle this buffet line to ensure your plate is graced with only the finest of fast foods.
Now, the first thing to consider is that and order of this size takes a ton of time to prepare, so none of these items are at their peak, because all of them have been hanging out in their boxes or wrappers for some time. That means you immediately remove the Filet-o-Fish from consideration. Next, while I appreciate the inclusion of a salad, the side salads from Wendy’s just aren’t the ones, especially if they’ve been sitting on a table for some time. Salads are gone.
Trump didn’t splurge for Wendy’s Spicy Chicken sandwiches for this extravaganza, because if he had, that would’ve been the clear top choice on the buffet. They are among the elite fast food sandwiches and also have a longer shelf life than any burger, which would be key in this situation. On the buffet diagram it says “chicken sandwiches” are between the salads, but a look at the video above indicates that is actually incorrect, and that what was between the salads were Wendy’s chicken wraps, which are vastly inferior to their chicken sandwich offerings. Those are also out.
The big question is what burger you prefer. Fast food burgers are a topic that gets endlessly debated, but rarely do we debate the burger options from McDonald’s, Wendy’s, and Burger King. It’s usually the more prestigious regional chains that spark conversation and angry dialogue. When hot, I love a Quarter Pounder, but in this situation, I can’t imagine it’s going to be that good. I’d go with the Wendy’s burger or a Whopper, along with some McNuggets and your choice of sauce from out of the silver gravy boats they were served in from the main buffet line. Then, round out your meal with some fries from the presidential cups under the heat lamps and a slice of pepperoni.
My mom made my older brother go to cotillion classes when we grew up because, and I quote, “You never know, you might get invited to the White House” — I avoided this because they stopped offering them when I was old enough. Now I know that my lifetime of sampling fast food has actually been the best preparation for a White House visit in 2019. Please take this knowledge and pocket it, just in case you’re faced with a fast food buffet as well.