04.26.07 11 years ago 8 Comments

With all the hype surrounding the NFL draft this weekend, a lot of us have lost sight of what really matters in football: Tom Brady's bastard fetus.  The Dreambaby, due in August, traveled around Brentwood, California the other day as actress/future abandoned single mom Bridget Moynahan went grocery shopping.

And while most of the pictures show a modest baby bump, I'm a little worried that Bridget has like three and a half months to go, and her egg-timer has already popped.  This baby is gonna be a fucking giant.  It's gonna come out in a suit of armor or something.  She better pray for a C-section or she's just going to split in two during delivery. "Congratulations, ma'am, your baby is three-foot-six and weighs 65 pounds."  And the kid'll be like, "Hey, ma, got a smoke?"

When asked about how she feels about being a single mom jilted by the NFL's biggest star, Moynahan responded, "Well, it beats the hell out of I, Robot.  Pays better, too."  At least that's what she should say, because that movie fuckin blew.

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