Drew MacIntyre Of The Toronto Maple Leafs Has The Most Hilariously Non-Threatening Goalie Mask

09.18.13 5 years ago 5 Comments

Drew MacIntyre

Toronto Maple Leafs goalie Drew MacIntyre is my favorite hockey player. Why? Three reasons.

1. He shares a name with one of the members of 3MB, because one guy in WWE creative likes hockey and keeps giving wrestlers names like “Drew McIntyre” and “Bam Neely.”

2. I’m a Washington Capitals fan, which means liking anybody on my OWN team (i.e. Alex Ovechkin) is a bad idea.

3. When he played for the AHL’s Milwaukee Admirals he had a mask with Mr. Potato Head and a bunch of Care Bears on it, and now that he’s in Toronto he’s adding more and more of the least threatening cartoon characters in history. If you can’t make them out, that’s Cheer Bear, Roo from Winnie the Pooh and something called “Pinkie Pie” from My Little Pony. Forgive me, I know I’m a huge nerd, but I stayed out of the pink aisle as a kid.

I really hope they play this whenever he skates out onto the ice:

The masculinity of that song is crippling.

If I could make a recommendation to Drew, here’s a quick list of non-threatening characters he should add to the mask: Caillou, Buster from ‘Arthur’ (he has asthma), Telly from ‘Sesame Street’ and Shana from ‘Jem & The Holograms.’ Those are the wimpiest characters I can think of. Is there anything less threatening than Jem’s BASSIST?.

[h/t to BB]

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