Remember how, back in January, a man got super drunk — as in, quadruple-the-legal-limit drunk — before getting behind the wheel of a Zamboni at a girl’s high-school hockey game in Fargo? Of course you remember. How could anyone forget a man besmirching the good name of the most majestic motorized vehicle in sports?
Well, that man — 27-year-old Steven Anderson — has had his day in court, and he’ll serve nine days in jail for dishonoring the Zamboni, according to the Associated Press.
Anderson’s defense hinged on North Dakota law failing to specifically mention that the Zamboni is a vehicle on which one can be charged with a DUI. It’s another form of the classic Air Bud defense — it doesn’t say anywhere in the rules that a dog CAN’T play basketball! The judge wasn’t buying it. That might have been an easier sell if Anderson’s BAC was something like .12 (the legal limit in North Dakota is .08), but when he started smashing his Zamboni into the walls of the rink and blew a cool .314, he lost all forms of plausible deniability.
Respect the Zamboni. Stay sober when you’re smoothing the ice.