Sports

A Top Recruit Committed To Duke By Pretending To Be A Superhero


Tahj Rice is a four-star defensive tackle according to Rivals. According to his commitment video, he’s also a superhero who shoots blue lasers out of his eyeballs and rescues damsels in distress.

Rice announced he committed to Duke in a video posted by the Louisville Courier-Journal on Tuesday where the high schooler becomes a Duke superhero and rescues a woman tied up in a basement. The campy video was Rice’s way of announcing his college decision, which also included his hometown Cardinals as well as Oregon, Virginia Tech and USC.

First we see a headline in the Aspirations Journal-News: ‘T-NASTY ON THE LOOSE * WHERE WILL HE GO NEXT * CAN HE SAVE THE DAY … AGAIN?’ It’s not clear if this T-Nasty fella is good or bad, but the editor of the newspaper clearly wants answers.

At first, Rice appears to be a reporter at AJ-N. The bald man we assume is the editor asks him if he’s “on this” headline. The high school senior says he can be! He runs off to investigate.

NEXT HEADLINE PLEASE.

Oh no, a beauty queen has been held hostage! Note the nonsense dummy text below the headlines. The situation is so dire they couldn’t finish the paper and dropped in some Lorem Ipsum and went to press. Truly, we need a hero here.

We next see said beauty queen tied up in a basement somewhere by some unknown assailant. A fella in an Oregon Ducks shirt tries to rescue the woman and he’s promptly exploded by a green fireball.

That seems a bit excessive, but Oregon is obviously out. It’s crossed out on the leaderboard, and four teams remain. Next, a kid in a USC Trojans shirt gets frozen by a blast of yellow light, then is atomized. This dude is dangerous and the authorities should be called. Vigilante justice in the name of college athletics is clearly not working here.

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