Dykstra Vs. Canseco: Now More Like Pacquiao/Mayweather Than Ever

Last week we shared with you the news that turd-mouthed ex-ballplayer Lenny Dykstra would be taking the place of White House party crasher Tareq Salahi in an upcoming Celebrity Boxing match with Jose Canseco. “Canseco ruined my career by spreading lies,” said Dykstra in a statement. “I called Tareq and begged him to let me take his place in the upcoming fight against Canseco.”

Well, as it turns out, Canseco wasn’t the only person spreading lies. Somewhere between that statement and last night’s “Battle of the Baseball Bad Boys” (their name, not mine) Dykstra pulled out of the fight, and he might’ve pocketed $5,000 of the promoter’s cash before doing so. This is where the story gets very Sports By Brooks, so try to stay with me. From the Philadelphia Inquirer, by way of The Hall Of Very Good:

(Fight promoter Damon) Feldman said moments ago that he and main promoter Alki David met Dykstra on Thursday and paid him cash. The former Phillies star was to receive another $10,000 after the fight but informed promoters around 6 EST tonight that he would not show up.

Dan Herman, who until severing ties tonight with Dykstra had served as a manager for him, arranged Dykstra’s participation in the bout and confirmed that Dykstra was paid a portion of his purse in advance and has pulled out of the fight. “I grew up idolizing Lenny Dykstra but it was all a lie,” Herman said.

That makes both Canseco and Dykstra liars, for the record. But who can show up to call the promoter a liar? Why, a local weatherman, of course!

Fox 29 meterologist John Bolaris, a friend of Dykstra’s for more than 15 years, tweeted days ago that Dykstra was never actually scheduled to fight.

UPDATE: Just spoke with a friend of Dykstra’s who says that Lenny had never signed on to fight Canseco and did not receive any money from the promoters.

If I was making a list of the things I assumed would be the most honest, a boxing organization built around washed-up celebrities looking for one last embarrassing moment in the spotlight would be at the very top. If Dykstra and Canseco never strap on the oversize-Everlasts and throw hands, at least they can lay down their heads at night knowing they’ve somehow managed to bring shame to even our least reputable institutions.

For the record, I will happily box either of them for no money. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I have no idea whether Tila Tequila won or lost her battle with TBA.