Embrace Our Sexy Overlords: The New Bikini Parade World Record Belongs To China

Senior Writer
08.27.12 7 Comments

Last year, we brought you the brave news of 357 Australian women who gathered to raise awareness for the lack of women wearing bikinis on a beach one day while they also broke the Guinness World Record for the longest bikini parade. Earlier this year, 450 braver American women gathered in Panama City Beach to break that record, and I’m not being sarcastic with the use of brave this time, because some scary ass people hang out in that town.

And now, in the least surprising global news of the year, the United States has once again fallen behind China. Last weekend, 1,085 women took part in a bikini parade in Huludao, China to absolutely decimate Florida’s record. But after reading this brief description of China’s effort at RT, I can’t help but think it’s a little unfair.

Women of all ages, from 4 to 70-years old, marched for about two hours before being officially ratified by the Guinness World Record officials.

The event, part of the annual China International Beach & Bikini Culture Exposition, drew crowds of people eager to watch the open-air beauty parade.

The participants wearing kilowatt smiles wasted no time in entertaining the public with sexy dance moves.

That’s not cool, China. They trotted out every toddler and grandma they could get their hands on, and it was probably mandatory. No good can come of a bikini parade if it’s not spontaneous and the participants don’t fall in the 18-40 (maybe 50 if they qualify for “Keeping It Tight” inclusion). So how does America respond to this kind of defeat? Not well, I’m afraid.

A persistent drizzle that occasionally morphed into a driving rain helped China retain its bikini parade crown Saturday, as only 325 women – out of the thousand-plus needed — answered Ocean City’s call to stage its own parade of world-record proportions. (Via the Baltimore Sun)

I’ll give credit to the women of Baltimore for showing up in the rain this weekend to parade 25 blocks, even if they couldn’t even muster 1/3 of what China offered just a week earlier. But what we need is a strong gameplan, organized by people who take their world records and bikini parades seriously. I’m a busy man, but I’ll volunteer my time. I’ll need Kate Upton, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Greene, and that blonde girl from Hellcats, not Ashley Tisdale, but the one who’s really fun to look at but has a weird name.

It’ll probably take a few all-nighters, but I think we can get this record back where it belongs with a little shirtless effort.

Very much related: Check out China’s Miss Bikini Pageant after the jump, which was also a part of the country’s International Beach & Bikini Culture Exposition.

(Banner via)






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