06.26.07 11 years ago 15 Comments

My God, I can't blink three times without seeing another NBA trade rumor.  Hey, I'm as excited for the NBA draft as the next sports fan (read: not all that excited), but this shit is getting out of control.  That's why I want to direct you to this mock story from The Basketball Jones yesterday. A sample:

AP – In the largest trade in NBA history, Kobe Bryant was dealt from Los Angeles to Chicago, Kevin Garnett was dealt from Minnesota to Boston, and Shawn Marion was chopped up and dealt to all five Atlantic Division teams on Thursday in a transaction involving 29 franchises and 313 players.

The Phoenix Suns acquired guard Gilbert Arenas from Washington, while the Wizards received MVP Dirk Nowitizki from the Dallas Mavericks. In addition, LeBron James was shipped to the Miami Heat, Jason Kidd ended up in Golden State, and Steve Nash is a now a Charlotte Bobcat.

Seriously, let's give it a rest.  Surprises are nice.  Let's enjoy the unknown.  Unlike that week it takes to get the results of an AIDS test.  I could be a virgin (yes… "could be") and still get an ulcer that week.  "Wait, did I ever use heroin? And did a monkey bleed on me?  Am I sure I didn't go to Africa?  Aw crap I'm gonna die."

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