If Your Summer Wasn't Already Ruined, Here Comes The Facekini

Allow me to introduce you to FACEKINI, the bikini you wear on your face. No, I didn’t just throw up a pro wrestling photo and pretend it was beach fashion.

Getting a tan at the beach is a sign of beauty for non-bloggers across the western world, but in places like China, people do everything they can to avoid getting burned. Having dark skin means you’re working outside all day, so if you’ve got light skin it means you’re got a higher social status, and, according to a report from NBC’s Behind The Wall, “the fairer you are, the wealthier or more respected you seem”. Because of this, wearing a goddamn luchador mask at the beach has become a thing.

But hey, don’t worry, it’s not all about weird class issues. Some people are wearing Facekinis to avoid being killed by sharks!

“These have been extremely popular,” Zaizaibao, an online seller from Henan on shopping Internet site, said.

Another online store sold 542 masks, which come in different colors and patterns, in just 30 days. “We are already out of the pink ones…. All of them sell well. Orange is the most effective in protecting people from sea creatures.”

The report includes a funny aside about government officials being concerned that the masks could be worn during bank robberies, because I guess this is the first time China has ever had masks.

As an American with pale skin I worry less about my position in China’s caste system or whether or not jellyfish is gonna try to sting me in my face, and more about what the worldwide popularity of Facekini could do to our domestic cheesecake bikini photoshoots. Seriously, look at what a Facekini does to Kate Upton:

that’s actually still not bad