Hey fight fans, remember several months ago when I ranked the dogs owned by professional mixed martial artists? Well, as soon as I started sharing that post, I was told how much of a big dummy I am for not including several other punchmans and punchwomens pooches on the list. Since I hate to disappoint, I’ve scoured the realms of twitter and instagram, looking for fighters with fantastic dogs I could then rank in the second installment of FIGHTER DOGS POWER RANKINGS.
Hopefully I don’t leave as many top-level dogs out this time around, but I probably will because I’m a goober. Feel free to tweet your yells to me at LegKickTKO. Look forward to a mega-power rankings where I smush both lists together to form the ultimate in FIGHTER DOGS RANKINGS.
WAR MACHINE’s dumb snakes and ferrets
With Leather has a weird relationship with WAR “jon koppenhaver” MACHINE. On one hand, he’s a terrible person and full of ignorance. On the other hand, that stupidity makes for some really hilarious results when he interacts with the outside world.
Anyway, MACHINE has several snakes and ferrets, and I have to admit, part of me waits for the news story that he’s been partially eaten by said snakes, with said ferrets riding them to freedom.
Nick Newell’s cats, Super Gober and Wesley Stripes
Discounted for being AN CATTES, but Newell’s pretty cool, so I give these little guys a tip of the papakha. Sadly, Wesley Stripes recently passed away, so it’s just Gober and Newell.
Gray Maynard’s bully pits
I feel super bad for Gray, since in a very brief span last year, he lost two of his dogs. It sucks losing a pet, and I just want to honor Hank and Ruka. Keep your chin up, Gray (Not literally, that will lead to you getting knocked out more often).
Mizuto “Pugness” Hirota
Dude loves pugs, which is very commendable. Lots of fighters have tattoos of pitbulls or mastiffs or other huge, intimidating dogs, but Hirota got a bug-eyed, smush-faced pug tattooed on his arm, and not even a famous one, like Dan Henderson.
NUMBER TEN – Josh Thomson’s pups
I know we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover and various other nonsense, but I would rank these guys a lot higher if not for the owner. I don’t like Josh Thomson because he’d a big dumb idiot, with big dumb idiot opinions, so it’s hard for me to look past how shitty the owner is and just squee all over the doggies. Unfair to the pups, but maybe they can run away and get adopted by a decent owner, like Dan Henderson or something.
STOP SAYING STUPID SH*T AND JUST LET ME LIKE YOUR DOGS, THOMSON, SHEESH BO-BEESH!
NUMBER NINE – Ben Saunders’ dog, Kioko
Ben Saunders is one of my favorite midcard fighters, with an incredible ability to destroy a dude’s face with clinch knees. And now he’s got one of those aliens from Attack the Block? That’s even cooler!
Kioko is pretty cute for a dog that I can’t make out any discernible features on.
NUMBER EIGHT – TJ Dillashaw’s French bulldogs, Honeybunny and Cash
Bonus points for pictures with TJ’s bantamweight title belt. I know I probably won’t be winning over fans with this sentiment, but I’m not a huge fan of French bulldogs. I think it’s the fact that English bulldogs are right there and are so much better because of the JOWLS.
NUMBER SEVEN – Jake Shields’ dogs
Shields is not everyone’s cup of tea when it comes to professional fighters. Some find his constant war cries of “AISH! AISH! AISH!” and the rapidity at which he turns red disconcerting. I kinda like his style of “make everyone, myself included, look like the worst f*cking fighters in the world” sometimes.
However, what’s hard to argue against is the fact that dude’s got some damn fine pupsters. Lookit them dorgs, don’t you wanna just snuggle with them?
NUMBER SIX – Duda Yankovich’s doginho, Tina Turner
Slight bias (In a power rankings? WHY I NEVER!), since my first ever dog as a tiny baby lobster larvae was a chow-mix. Yankovich (Who I am wishing the speediest of recoveries to!) has a full on chow-chow, and boy howdy do I want to envelop myself in fluffy dog body whenever I see pictures on her Instagram.
Plus, Tina Turner is a FANTASTIC name for a dog with that much hair. Well played, Duda, well played indeed.
NUMBER FIVE – Hector Lombard’s perro
I don’t know the name of Hector’s dog, but who cares about names, just look at the face on that little guy! Wanna hug that dorg, wanna pet that dorg. Don’t wanna get judo’d outta my shoes by Hector, just wanna be friends with that dorg.
That is one damn adorable little dog.
NUMBER FOUR – Justin Scoggins’ German shepherd, Stoner
Tank Scoggins has a German shepherd, I wonder if he calls it Tiger? Zing-zang-zoom, that’s the kind of witty commentary that got me this job!
Okay, turns out the dog’s named Stoner, which Scoggins might want to reconsider if he doesn’t want to get drug tested every other week.
NUMBER THREE – Nik Lentz’s corgi, Tilly
Nik “The Corgi” Lentz should be his new nickname. The internet loves the heck out of corgis, and as a person on the internet, I am contractually obligated to love this little doggie.
Seriously, how is this not one of the most delightful dogs around? I bet that would be a good belly to rub.
NUMBER TWO – Chan Sung Jung’s dog in a gi
More like Dog-gi Yang, am I right? (Nobody gets that joke because nobody remembers Dong Yi Yang.) I’ve really only seen this one picture, but it is basically too adorable for my brain. LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FACE AND PAWSIES AND TINY GI AND EEEEEEEEEE!!!
BONUS EVEN BABIER VERSION OF THE DOGGY!
NUMBER ONE – Joseph Benavidez’s dog, Benny
I’m typically not a huge fan of small dogs, and dogs in clothes aren’t my favorite either, but somehow, Benny (I think I just got that joke that his name is Benny Benavidez) manages to pull it off. Maybe it’s because Benny only wears tank tops to show off his dog-guns, or Joe-B Wan Kenobi is prone to looking ultra-serious with a tiny dog, but the two of them together are some of my favorite pictures.
I mean, seriously, that is some fantastic stuff coming out of Team Alpha Male’s teeniest members. Don’t you just want that painted on black velvet, hanging in your foyer?
That’s the second installment of FIGHTER DOGS POWER RANKINGS in the books. Tell me how badly I did in the comments, and as I said, look forward to part three where I make a super-list, ranking all the dogs in parts one and two. YAY FOR RANKING DOGS!