Future Summer Olympics Sports: Lawnmower Demolition Derby

Senior Writer

Haha, 69.

Ah, journalism. People say it’s a dying industry, corrupted by political influence and ruined by sensationalism, but it’s still alive and well in places like Minneapolis. WCCO, the Minneapolis CBS affiliate, recently sent photojournalist Joe Mears to the Goodhue County Fair in Zumbrota, Minnesota – the Paris of Goodhue County, I’m told.

But Mears didn’t attend this long-running celebration of northern America’s finest foods and livestock just for poops and giggles. He attended it because for the first time in the 816 years* that this festival has been hosted, people competed in a lawnmower demolition derby, or as I will now and forever call it, America’s pastime.

You can watch Mears’ report here, and after the jump, I’ve included a few videos of random lawnmower demolition derbies, because this really should be an Olympic sport. My only complaint is that they’re not actually mowing lawns. Alas, this is America’s ultimate problem. We have ideas and vision, but we lack the wherewithal to promote our ideas to better serve humanity. Don’t worry, we’ll get there.

It helps if you yell, “OOH!” and “AHHHH!” while watching these, because AMERICA.

The winner of this derby received $350, so you know it was serious…

And the gold medal winner will most likely come from Kentucky.

*Number made up because I’m too lazy to actually look it up. So, ballpark figure.

(H/T to Fark.)

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