As the overseer of the most prestigious Game of Thrones-themed MMA tournament on the web, it was both thrilling and a little disheartening to see so many of our remaining competitors (Jon Snow, The Night King, and Jorah Mormont to name a few) in one location without even one full-fledged fist fight breaking out between them on Sunday’s “Beyond the Wall.” Luckily, I have a feeling that next week’s finale will deliver upon a certain long-rumored “Bowl” that will single-handedly validate our efforts over the past month and a half.
With that all out of the way, let’s get to the second set of matchups that will round out The Incestuous Sixteen.
Khal Drogo vs. Jorah Mormont
Despite nearly falling to his doom in the closing moments of their battle with the undead army, I would argue that Jorah Mormont was easily one of the MVPs of the Snowisicide Squad (credit: Matt Ufford). The disgraced son of of the former Lord Commander not only held his own against the undead army while brandishing two dragonglass daggers the size of steak knives, but bagged and tagged the wight that will be used to “convince” Cersei of the threat in the North next week, which I’m sure will totally work out just fine for all parties involved. The power of the FriendZone truly knows no bounds, ladies and gentlemen.
Meanwhile, the almighty Khal Drogo was barely able to escape his matchup with Davos Seaworth a couple weeks back despite holding the largest size and reach advantage you’ll ever see outside of a Hong Man Choi fight. Could Mormont be the dark horse that makes it all the way through this thing? And if so, would that be enough for Dany to finally throw him a pity lay?
Daario Naharis vs. Bariston Selmy
As I mentioned when discussing his first-round matchup against Yara Greyjoy, the mental state of Daario Naharis simply cannot be overlooked here. This is a man who, for all intents and purposes, has spent the past few months drinking away his sorrows in Meereen while bedding each and every Daenerys Targaryen-cosplaying prostitute that crosses his path in an effort to cope with being dumped by the Mother of Dragons, the Breaker of Hearts. It’s not a solid training regimen, is what I’m saying, especially when you’re set to do battle with Bariston Selmy, one of the greatest fighters the Seven Kingdoms has ever known.
Has Selmy lost a little pep in his step with age? His TKO loss to the Sons of the Harpy would certainly argue that he has, but his absolute annihilation of Iron borne Hot Topic manager Euron Greyjoy in the preliminary rounds proved that he still has plenty left in the tank.