06.26.07 11 years ago 40 Comments

A pair of stories today have really helped golf slightly less lame.  Up first: lap dances on the course! (link includes video)

Stroudsburg [Pennsylvainia] Area Regional Police are investigating complaints of a private golf outing featuring lap dance stations, threesomes and naked women at the Cherry Valley Golf Course on Monday. Neighbors called police after Dave Gold, 20, and a 17-year-old female were denied access to the road shared by the golf course and the home of Gold's friend, Will Croasdale, 19.

Gold said an employee of the course told him a private golf tournament was taking place, and the road was closed. When Gold argued, he said he was first told by the employee "I'll kick your ass," followed by "I'll break your neck." Gold and Croasdale shot videotape and still photos of the activities on the course from Cherry Valley Road, which showed partially clothed females performing lap dances for golfers and sex acts on each other.

Oh sure, it sounds like he's pretty lame for a 20-year-old dating a high school student, but I won't speak ill of him.  Let he who has not videotaped chicks having sex so he can get evidence for a police complaint cast the first stone.  As if that's not enough: an 11-foot, one-eyed alligator (prepare your Happy Gilmore jokes) attacked a man at a Florida course.  He escaped without serious injury, which makes it easier to make light of with a clean conscience.

I'm still not sold on golf, though.  Not until every course is littered with alligators and strippers.  Can you imagine the adrenaline rush of fearing a gator attack while getting a lap dance?  I bet if you save a stripper from an alligator you could sleep with her.  Or you could go the usual route and give her cocaine.  But heroism is cheaper.

Thanks goes to The Big Lead

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