Good News, Everybody Else: Usain Bolt Is Retiring Soon

Good news for everyone who runs and isn’t Usain Bolt: Usain Bolt is pulling a Ronda Rousey, announcing his retirement a few years in advance. According to Bolt, he’s planning on three more years of dominance over man and robotic cheetah alike before competing in the 2016 Rio de Janeiro Olympics and retiring.

“So far, (it) is after the Olympics in Rio,” Bolt said of his retirement plans. “I think if I am in great shape, I’ll go there and do what I have to do. I think it will be a good time to retire on top.”

Winning another three golds in Moscow last month made him the most decorated athlete in world championship history with eight gold and two silvers. He has six gold medals from the Olympics.

“If I want to be among the greats of (Muhammad) Ali and Pele and all these guys, I have to continue dominating until I retire,” Bolt said ahead of his final race this season in the 100 at Friday’s Van Damme Memorial.

I really hope the Van Damme Memorial ends with you having to do the splits on two chairs while somebody hits you in the ribs with a kendo stick.

We’ll be sad to see Bolt go, as he’s been a constant source of entertainment for With Leather, what with his drunken footraces with Mickey Rourke, sketchy love life, accidental assaults on flower girls and battles against gravity. At least we’ve got a few more years to enjoy him.