Gordon Ramsay Completed The Hawaii Ironman Race To Prove He Can (And Will) Kill Us All

For some reason, NBC is going to air the coverage of the Hawaii Ironman on Saturday, November 16, and that’s odd because the event took place this weekend and we already know everything that we need to know about the people who competed in the world famous event and how they finished. But I guess if you want to wait a month and act surprised when NBC shows the footage and highlights, then you don’t need to read past this point. Although, you’ll never find out who stole the jade monkey if you stop here!

Competing in this weekend’s event was Hell’s Kitchen and MasterChef star and terrifying celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay, who was very fortunate to be one of the 1,900 men selected to compete in this event out of a pool of more than 80,000 athletes. I mean, what are the chances that the famous guy would get picked? I’ll check my cynicism at the door, though, because Ramsay showed that he deserved to compete in the Ironman as much as anyone else, as he finished the race in 14 hours, 4 minutes and 48 seconds.

And of course he then took to Twitter to rightfully brag about it.

Not pictured: Guy Fieri showing off the “hump butt whale.”

Not pictured: Guy Fieri on his Segway with flames on the side.

Not pictured: Guy Fieri grabbing a stripper’s breast and shouting, “HONK!!!”

Not pictured: Guy Fieri yelling, “Get a room, queers!” (This isn’t getting old.)

And finally, if you want to know who stole the jade monkey, click here.

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