06.03.08 10 years ago 17 Comments

Following up on last week's story about Stuart Sugarman and Christopher Carter — the asshole hedge fund manager and the asshole stockbroker who attacked him in spinning class, respectively — the jury in the assault case yesterday acquitted Carter of the charges.

On Monday, a jury acquitted Mr. Carter of assault charges for manhandling the stationary bike of a fellow gym member, Stuart Sugarman, who was shouting and grunting during a spin class. Even though Mr. Carter’s defense lawyer acknowledged in court that his client had grabbed Mr. Sugarman’s bike by the handlebars, tilted it back and then released it, with Mr. Sugarman astride, the jury decided that he was not a criminal for having done so…

Samuel L. Davis, a New Jersey lawyer representing Mr. Sugarman… said he hoped that New Yorkers would not view the verdict as a call to arms of sorts. “I don’t know if there’s going to be an uprising, but the short-term message is sometimes you can get away with assaulting somebody who’s annoying,” he said.

Short term?  Sometimes?  C'mon you stupid lawyers!  Make it legal to assault annoying people already!  I've got a long list of people with popped collars and unbroken noses.

[Above the Law

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