Hank Jr. Dropped From ESPN, Is Not Done Arguing About America On The Internet

On Monday morning, country music legend Hank Williams Jr. (a man who, as The Daily Show With Jon Stewart pointed out, once fell off a mountain and cracked open his skull so badly he had to hold in his own brain) evoked Godwin’s Law and used the phrase “it’d be like Hitler” to start a sentence about President Barack Obama. This prompted ESPN to pull the singer’s classic “Are You Ready For Some Football?” theme from Monday Night Football, and as of this morning the Worldwide Leader In Football Preparedness decided to pull the song forever. Forever!

“We have decided to part ways with Hank Williams, Jr. We appreciate his contributions over the past years. The success of Monday Night Football has always been about the games and that will continue.”

Hanks response to the firing was the only thing you can write on the Internet more “Internet” than “blank is like Hitler”:

“After reading hundreds of e-mails, I have made MY decision. By pulling my opening Oct 3rd, You (ESPN) stepped on the Toes of The First Amendment Freedom of Speech, so therefore Me, My Song, and All My Rowdy Friends are OUT OF HERE. It’s been a great run.” — Hank Williams Jr

He managed to hit all the best message-boards-and-comments-sections points, like

1. I am extremely popular and get hundreds of e-mails about everything.

2. I’m the only person who makes decisions.

3. I didn’t get fired, I quit

4. Anything that happens to me for saying something stupid is a violation of the First Amendment, also known as “I thought this was America”.

5. I am humble and appreciative despite all the weird mean things I’ve just said.

6. Signing his name to the end of a paragraph identified as being from him, posted on

The only thing that would’ve made it better is if he’d admitted he was in the wrong a few days before. Wait, whoops!

”The thought of the leaders of both parties jukin and high fiven on a golf course, while so many families are struggling to get by simply made me boil over and make a dumb statement. I am very sorry if it offended anyone.”

So I guess we can add:

7. Apologizing for something you did, then going back on and ignoring it completely when the argument changes

I’m so sad he used “jukin and high fiven” instead of “shuckin’ and jivin'”. ESPN should respond with a “U MAD” graphic or a gif of somebody eating popcorn as their response.