08.14.08 10 years ago 10 Comments

Oftentimes newspapers, in this case the Los Angeles Times, will rely on euphemisms in describing risque content to protect their family readership, while still having to report news that deals in difficult subjects. Let's see if you can spot the ones used in this article about USC.

Each day, it seems, another player shows up at USC football practice with a pained expression and an uncomfortable gait, feet spread wide, stepping gingerly across the turf.

They are victims of an ailment that has swept through the team during training camp, something that coaches refer to as "a skin irritation."

The players call it "jock itch."

While dislocated kneecaps and high ankle sprains draw more attention, Coach Pete Carroll said he has never seen anything like the minor outbreak that caused key players to miss practice Wednesday.

As much as 25% of the team has been affected by the apparent run of tinea cruris, kicker David Buehler estimated. The condition seems to have spread by way of new compression shorts, or tights, worn under their football pants.

Sure, jock itch. Suuuuurrrreeee. You'd like us to believe a bunch of guys engaging in close contact physical activity got a mostly benign bacterial infection? We all know someone made the mistake of taking a dump on that toilet Matt Leinart used that the team is supposed to be kept quarantined. The lifespan of his STDs easily outlasts that of his NFL career.

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