Haynes Her Way

Pro Wrestling Editor
04.27.11 3 Comments

In a situation that calls for both 1,000 and zero jokes, Washington Redskins defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth has been officially charged with misdemeanor sexual abuse for ordering food at a hotel, then paying for it in the grossest possible way. According to the U.S. attorney’s office, there is government evidence showing Haynesworth sliding a credit card down the front of a server’s dress and fondling her breast. As a former food server, I can confirm that this is not Hospitaliano.

A grand jury returned an indictment on Tuesday, and if convincted, Haynesworth faces a $1,000 fine and up to six months in jail. From the AP report:

Haynesworth’s attorney, A. Scott Bolden, called the charge disappointing and regretful and said it would be a difficult case for the government to prove. Haynesworth is innocent and several witnesses would vouch that the alleged conduct never happened, Bolden said.

“We maintain his innocence, and now the fight begins,” Bolden said.

Keep in mind, that’s not THE Scott Bolden, just A Scott Bolden. Haynesworth is one of those guys who just screams innocence, as he’s also currently facing charges in Virginia for road-raging a guy and has been involved in lawsuits from an exotic dancer, a bank, a man who was injured in an automobile accident and complaints from his ex-wife that he wasn’t paying their children’s bills. Last year was year two of his seven-year, $100 million contract. He didn’t start a single game. Oh, and he was was suspended without pay for the last four games of the season for “conduct detrimental to the club.”

On a personal note, I am a decent looking-to-mildly-ugly man, and even I spent my foodservice career having my ass grabbed and being routinely harassed in all sorts of crazy ways from the people I worked with and guests. I can’t imagine having to do that with boobs. But yeah, I’m sure it was pretty hard to find several witnesses who would corroborate with a football guy.

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