Haynesworth Gets One Game Per Six Facial Stitches

10.03.06 11 years ago

The NFL suspended Titans DT Albert Haynesworth five games without pay for his Andre Gurode face-stomping on Sunday. The punishment is more than twice as severe than any previous on-field incident, which is saying a lot when you figure in offensive things like Sean Taylor spitting and Brian Urlacher's barbed wire tattoo.

The suspension is going to cost Haynesworth about $190,000, which might seem like a lot to you disgusting sweaty masses but is really just a drop in the bucket for aloof millionaires like Albert and me. Besides, the government was going to get a lot of that anyway. The government is the real loser here. Gurode gets a badass scar, Haynesworth gets a month of vay-cay, but the government misses out on $80,000 of tax revenue. I just hope it's the NEA that gets stiffed and not our troops in Iraq.

What's that? The NEA's been systematically dismantled? Well, that should teach 'em for becoming artists. They shoulda majored in business like their Dad told 'em to.

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