Hells Angels Beware, There’s A Puppy Thrower On the Loose and He’s Gunning For YOU

06.16.10 9 years ago 5 Comments

They seem to do things a little differently in Germany. They don’t go on endlessly about how good things used to be, their love for David Hasselhoff is unironic, and when they see a pack of Hells Angels tearing up the streets of Bavaria they apparently secure puppies, loosen their belts and prepare bulldozer getaway vehicles.

Such is the story of a young German student who decided it was necessary to test out the puppy dodging abilities of a bunch of geriatric noise polluting bastards in bandanas.

A German student created a major traffic jam in Bavaria when he ‘mooned’ a group of Hell’s Angels, hurled a puppy at them and then escaped on a bulldozer.

The 26-year-old drove into the grounds of the motorcycle gang members’ clubhouse north of Munich, according to reports in local media.

The young man, who was not identified, then dropped his pants, threw the puppy, and then fled. -Orange News

I really don’t know how I would react if a flying puppy was hurled in my direction. Swat it away? Run it over? Catch and whisk it to the nearest bubble bathing station? Technically the puppy’s looking to injure me so in theory I’d treat it like an enemy combatant, but it’s SO CUTE! Unless of course it’s not, then I’m just going to squish it.

But wait, there’s more to the story. Apparently this young man went to the OJ Simpson school of really slow getaway vehicles.

After making his getaway, he stole a bulldozer from a nearby construction site, and attempted to drive it to Munich.

However, it was not fast enough, and his snail-like pace caused a three-mile traffic jam near the southern town of Allershausen.

He then fled to his home nearby where he was apprehended by the police.

I hope the pet store dialogue went something like this:

Puppy Thrower: *Breathless* QUICK, the Hells Angels are down the street. You guys got any puppies?

Pet Store Owner: …Yeah, right here.

PT: *Picks up random puppy, weighs it in his hands*

Pet Store Owner: That one’s a Shih Tzu.

PT: Yep, this’ll do.

Pet Store Owner: *Quizzical look*

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