Hey Guys, Madonna’s Just Like Us, Y’All

Senior Writer
02.03.12 18 Comments

"Yes, you - the lowly, pathetic ant in the back of the room pretending like I should even acknowledge you."

In case you were trying to block it out of your mind, or if you have simply pretended that the Super Bowl hasn’t had a halftime show since 2004, Madonna is performing a 12-minute set at Super Bowl XLVI on Sunday. As if it wasn’t bad enough that the NFL believed that we wanted to see a 53-year old woman in fishnet stockings perform osteoporosis-friendly dance moves while lip syncing 30-year old songs, she also had a chance to speak with reporters yesterday in Indianapolis, and I hate to say it, but I think we’ve had Madge all wrong.

Golly, I reckon she’s just a small town girl tryin’ to make a dream come true so she can tell her pa that she finally made it, gosh darn shuck ‘em.

“This is a Midwesterner girl’s dream to be performing at the Super Bowl halftime show,” said Madonna, who was born in Bay City, Michigan.

“In over 25 years of performing that I’ve done, I have never worked so hard or been so scrupulous or detail-oriented or freaked out as much as I have … trying to make the most major show at this Super Bowl,” she added. (Via Reuters)

I can’t even imagine the insane prep work that goes into picking out a medley of old songs and sending them to a producer with a note that reads: “Make modern, K?” Luckily, she’s receiving some performance help from younger, hipper artists like Cee Lo Green, Nicki Minaj and LMFAO. So basically, you could staple live squirrels to your nude body and you still wouldn’t be the worst dressed person at the Super Bowl.

But we’re being too tough on Madonna, who spent at least a decade pretending to be British. This performance, she said, is the one thing that she’ll have done in her career that her father would be most proud of. When asked for comment, her father’s spirit responded, “Yeah, no sh*t.”

(For further reading and reasons to think that this woman is completely out of touch, please check out this post at The Superficial from yesterday.)

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