Bro Wanders On To High School Football Field, Begs To Be Pummeled, Promptly Is

Senior Writer
10.30.12 8 Comments

Last Friday night, 9-0 Placer high school of Auburn, California defeated 4-5 Colfax 24-7 in a much-hyped revenge game, and that’s fun because, Yay sports! But the real entertainment was actually provided by a random shirtless bro who stumbled onto to the high school football field at some point, because he had a bottle of water and wanted to make sure everybody saw how well he could pour it all out. Either that, or he’s a viral fashion marketer and he wanted everyone to see his hot, new style – belt-off low-rise jeans. Those are the only possible reasons I can think of as to why this bro would walk on to a football field during a game.

Well, I guess maybe he could just be an a-hole. Either way, he’s an a-hole in a lot of pain, because as you’ll see in the video after the jump, there’s pretty much only one response you should expect if people think you’re threatening them at a high school.

I’d like to make my stance on this clear – this dude got what he asked for. Between attacks on airplanes or at movie theaters and college classrooms and shopping malls, people in America are on full-tilt right now when it comes to their safety. Drunk, high, or protesting, there’s really no excuse for this guy just waltzing on to the field with his ass hanging out and behaving in a manner that suggests: “Someone, please, I’d like to fight you, because I think I’m tough.” And I’m sure someone will argue that maybe he has a mental disorder, but that doesn’t look like a mental disorder as much as it’s a crazy sum’bitch.

But I’ll also go ahead and play devil’s advocate here, and try to figure out what exactly these people were thinking.

From the dads’ perspective: “F*ck this dude, nobody threatens my kid or any of these kids and if I feel threatened or if my kid is threatened, God, I’m going to f*ck that person up. Plus, I’ll finally be able to show that lazy Wilson kid how you’re supposed to tackle. God, I miss playing football! I was a legend! I CAN STILL PLAY, DAMN IT! SOMEONE SIGN ME!”

From the dude’s perspective: “Durrrrrrr, someone kick my ass, here it is just hanging out here for everyone to see… oh what’s up, brown jacket? You want some? Come get…. OW! I’M PEEING BLOOD! OH DEAR GOD, WHY ARE YOU RIPPING MY FOOT OFF?!?! I’m calling my lawyer.”

Regardless, he probably has called his lawyer and is well on his way to being a millionaire, because this is America and we should all be able to threaten people without any fear of repercussion.

(H/T to Deadspin, original video available here.)

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