Caw Caw Bang F**k I'm … Totally Fine?

By way of Prep Rally comes the least consequential moment of fastball-on-bird violence in baseball history.

Watch in squinting wonder as Springfield Sacred Heart-Griffin High School pitcher Ryne Elvers tries to shut down City Series rivals Springfield Southeast High at Lanphier Park with a fastball so fierce that were it to ever hypothetically strike an animal mid-flight, it would shred and splatter the poor thing in a pillow fight explosion like so much Randy Johnson. It would not have any reasonable chance of hitting a bird and having the bird just kinda keep going and be fine.


Sophomore Ryne Elvers pitched 5 2/3 innings to get his third win in four decisions. Elvers also pulled a Randy Johnson when, while delivering an 0-1 pitch to Robbie Cooper in the fifth inning, Elvers plucked a bird in flight. The bird managed to fly off, minus some feathers.

“OOH! HIT DA BIRD” – concerned onlooker

Thank God he didn’t throw a change-up, it would’ve just landed on the bird’s back and flown away.