Horse Race Announcer Achieves Glory

Senior Writer
08.26.10 7 Comments

We are all faced with once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and it is how we deal with those shots that defines us as men. And occasionally women, I guess, if they discover an awesome recipe or a new way to type shorthand. That opportunity arrived for horse racing announcer Larry Collmus this past Sunday and he took the bull by the horns, but in this case the bull is a horse and the horns are ironic names.

Collmus called the seventh race at Monmouth Park in Oceanpark, New Jersey, and the race came down to the wire between two horses – Mywifenoseverything and Thewifedoesntknow. Ultimately, Mywifenoseverything won despite terrible grammar, but the real winner was Collmus, and his prize is newfound Internet glory. The loser was Tiger Woods, because millions of people are going to post this video on Facebook along with comments like, “I didn’t know Tiger Woods owned horses” and their co-workers will LOL all day long.

Tell us, was the mood tense for Collmus, Metro UK:

Collmus kept up the call as the two dueled down the stretch, repeatedly holldering ‘My wife knows everything! The wife doesn’t know!’ as the pair approached the finish.

He says that his only thought was: ‘Don’t mess it up.’

At the finish he exclaimed: ‘Mywifenosevrything more than Thewifedoesntknow…’ before adding in relief: ‘Whew!’

What a relief, indeed! Imagine if he had screwed that up. People at Monmouth Park would have gone from not giving a crap to really not giving a crap in a New York minute. For the gamblers at home, coming in third was Domesticviolencecharges followed by Lifesentenceforspousalmurder, Killedinaprisonriot and finishing in last was Admiral Thunder Duck.

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