How Are People In Canada Coping With The NHL Lockout? Sex Toys, Of Course

Senior Writer
11.20.12 5 Comments

As we dip our toes into the 66th day of this NHL lockout, it shouldn’t surprise many people that yesterday’s latest crucial meeting was a complete dud, as talks lasted a whopping two hours. Among very few other things, the players union and league officials agreed to meet up again this morning to simply decide if they’re going to have another meeting. “That’s a good idea,” said hockey fans, adding, “Because you didn’t talk about sh*t yesterday.”

‘‘We talked about various things,’’ union executive director Donald Fehr said on a chilly Manhattan sidewalk outside the NHL office. ‘‘No new proposals were made, they were not expected to be made.” (Via the Boston Globe)

So the question that nobody is really asking is – what the hell are the fans doing to fill their void? According to one Edmonton business owner, NHL fans are getting their freak on.

“We’d be gearing up for (NHL hockey) now but there’s nothing so I guess we need to find some better ways to spend our time!” said Vinay Morker, owner of the Hush Lingerie and More boutique, while at Edmonton’s Taboo Naughty But Nice Sex Show Saturday.

Morker said his south Edmonton location saw a 15% jump in sales in October, and although the absence of Oilers action has been killing the longtime fan, it could also be the reason more couples have been browsing his wares at the show.

“When Oilers fans, mostly guys, have to break their routine of seeing every game, they have more time,” Morker said. “And there’s nothing better than spending it with your spouse or girlfriend.” (Via the Toronto Sun)

Even better, Morker-from-Orker said that his clients are becoming more adventurous in their boredom, as they’re scooping up more sex toys than ever, and some of them are even expanding their home libraries by adding the Kama Sutra. So if the hockey lockout has you down, but your boner’s up, then maybe play sexual lockout by dressing up like Gary Bettman and bending your woman over until she agrees to take less than 50% of league revenues.

Or if you’re a total prude and not into that, pick up your own “Puck Gary” hat to celebrate the lockout.


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