How To Make A Super Bowl Commercial, From The Masters Of Making Sh*tty Things (Updated)

And when all else fails, just reference Star Wars, whether it fits your product or not.

How is it that Next Media Animation, the same news team who turned Ndamukong Suh into a zombie and showed Jerry Jones murder a child with fire breath, can so succinctly get to the heart of Super Bowl ads and why we’re all sheepish pieces of sh*t for enjoying them? They’ve got Volkswagen’s number with the Star Wars quote, and I’m pretty sure every writers’ meeting begins with a naked dancing lady with XXX across her chest. If Dennis Haysbert ever kills a guy with an insurance check and makes out with his widow they’ll be straight-up prophets.

It’s also pretty sad that Taiwanese animation, with all its hyperbolic imagery and blunt, warped English, could be less intellectually offensive than actual Super Bowl ads. Not necessarily the Bud Frogs or Betty White (who Taiwan makes look more like Martha Plimpton than Betty White) getting footballed for Snickers, but have you seen Danica Patrick and Jillian Michaels bodypainting a model and getting all hot and bothered over Dot Co domain names? If you go to you can see more! On they show boobies, and the women make out and Danica Patrick gets f**ked with a fitness roller, I’m assuming!

Via Warming Glow:

Betty White emerging from a treasure chest doesn’t seem so weird now, does it?

UPDATE: Here’s what they think is gonna go down in the actual game. Holy sh*t.