I’m Writing Morning Links Where I Make Out With Aubrey Plaza

09.02.11 6 years ago 4 Comments


Aubrey Plaza Is a Sexy Stroke Victim – The woman who plays April Ludgate had a stroke when she was 20. Unbelievable. I’m happy she’s okay, and even happier that we didn’t end up with Ellie Kemper (or whoever) doing some terrible exaggerated April for three years. [Warming Glow]

Frotcast 63: Matt Ufford Talks TV, Murder, & Hurricanes – Like most people, I could listen to Uff talk about whatever he wanted for as long as he wanted. And hurricane or no, Whole Foods is almost always a mad house. People are always stealing kombuchas that they didn’t order. [Film Drunk]

15 Exceptionally Haunting Movie Cinemagraphs – Cinemagraphs are really cool, but far too often are just people opening and closing their eyes. Regardless, his post really made me want to go watch The Shining again. [UPROXX]

Paz de la Huerta Is Good at Lingerie – Paz’s face is incredibly ugly to me most of the time, but her body is absolutely top shelf. Also, she will not stop trying to show it to me. [Warming Glow]

FIGHTS – Legends, Douchebags, and Pig Slop! – Bowie Ibarra reviews the most recent Anarchy Championship Wrestling show, and yes, just like last time this one features a cameo from yours truly. He calls Vanity Valentine “Velvet” Valentine, but honestly “Velvet Valentine” sounds way better. [Zombie Blood Fights]

Justice League of the Americas Will Make You Wish for a Western – It won’t if you’ve watched Justice League and seen the Jonah Hex episodes! But seriously, this guy loves drawing Liefeld crotch bulges. Just speed lines all over the front of pants. [Gamma Squad]

This Is The Parody Of A Porn Parody Of The Dark Knight Rises That Gotham Deserves – I want to be in charge of the porno parodies. “Okay team, make me a list of literally everything that gets made, we’re gonna go down the list one by one.” And porn fans are out there waiting for me to parody The Help, but I’m too busy working out a cohesive porno narrative for Marmaduke. Gamma Squad]

1988 George Lucas Calls 2011 George Lucas an “Egotistical Gangster” – What can you even say at this point? I have the DVDs with the original versions as special features, if he wants to make Yoda breakdance, let him. Just make the ones that aren’t total horsesh*t available to me somewhere. [Film Drunk]

15 Things That Prove God Hates the South – Number 16: “How every girl Brandon had a crush on growing up looks in 2011”. [Buzzfeed]

There Have Only Been 5 Successful Film-to-TV Series Adaptations – A debatable point (and he seems to be neglecting how great “The Real Ghostbusters” was, it had Garfield as Peter Venkman for Christ’s sakes) but fun to talk about. Also, Young Indiana Jones sucked a dick and was not successful. [Pajiba]

The 5 Most Depraved Sex Scenes Implied in Harry Potter – Hey, somebody should make a porno parody of Harry Potter and include all of these scenes! I’d watch Potter if folks were getting bukkake’d by centaurs. [FARK]

8 Adorable College Mascot Brawls – Best link of the day. [The Smoking Jacket]

Mila Kunis or Olivia Wilde: Who Won Summer? – One of them had CGI nipples and the other keeps trying to convince me she’s Just One Of The Guyz. Which one was in a good movie over the summer? I think they both lost. [Moviefone]

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