What Would Your Favorite Athletes' Names Be If They Were Travolta-fied?

Senior Writer
03.04.14 2 Comments
John Travolta

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Hey, remember the Academy Awards? It seems like just yesterday we were all talking about how it seemed like just yesterday Matthew McConaughey was accepting his statue for Best Actor while Ellen Degeneres pulled off her unique brand of zany antics to remind us simple folk at home that Hollywood people like pizza just like us. Anyway, the folks at Slate have created a way for us to remember the 86th Academy Awards for years (or hours) to come and especially that one moment when John Travolta called Idina Menzel “Adele Dazeem” before she sang that song from the movie.

Because Travolta couldn’t take two seconds to memorize Menzel’s actual name, we’re left with the Meme Du Jour, “Travoltafy Your Name,” which allows us to laugh at Travolta for yet another reason, as if his hair, religion, Battlefield Earth, alleged massage antics, and potentially fake marriage weren’t enough. But I decided to take this beyond just my name – Abbey Borfes, because I have a girl’s name! – and apply the Travoltafying process to some of our favorite athletes.

Hang on your hair plugs, friends, because we’re about to get hilarious in here.

1 Tim Tebow

I would have guessed Tam Jesis, because he’s religious in case you don’t watch the news.

2 LeBron James

Could a woman score 61 points against the Bobcats last night? John Travolta is a hater, and he better respect the King.

3 Kobe Bryant

And Kade Brazent once scored 81 points, so I don’t want to hear nothing about no 61 points.

4 Dwight Howard

Drew isn’t the D-word I would have used for Dwight. I would have used Dork, because he left my team and hurt my feelings. I’m sorry for being so negative, though.

5 Derek Jeter

Good luck on your final season in baseball, Darren Jerrdan, the corpton of the Now Yerp Tonkees.

6 John Cena

Honestly, I hope wrestling fans start calling him Jan Crarter. It could be our own inside joke.

7 Sidney Crosby

That’s Olympic gold medalist Sandy Crawzford to you, John Travolta.

8 Tiger Woods

Tyler Weed has a back made of grass. That’s a sick burn.

9 Jameis Winston

I can’t wait to buy an Oakland Raiders Johannes Wailson jersey.

10 Cristiano Ronaldo

Wow, what an adventure that was. Stop by tomorrow when I’ll ask the important question, “What would it look like if Grumpy Cat was hanging out with former presidents?”

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