Yesterday, celebrity gossip morons across the Internet “reported” that golfer and orgy enthusiast Tiger Woods was selling his massive yacht, “Privacy”, for $25 million. Tiger’s smoking hot ex-wife, Elin Nordegren didn’t want to keep the yacht as part of her ridiculous divorce settlement because Privacy costs more than $2 million a year to maintain, with a permanent staff of 13 people having to constantly stain guard and Febreze. I’m guessing she also didn’t want the constant reminder of all of the Shoney’s hostesses and meth-addled porn actresses, of whose poopdecks Tiger swabbed on the Privacy. Also, Tiger doesn’t need to keep the 155-foot yacht because he just bought a new one. Man, I hope he overcomes all of these problems someday.
While Woods bought the ship for $20 million, he believes it appreciated in value because it’s been well taken care of.
But Palm Beach Gardens mega-yacht builder John Staluppi doubts the former world’s best player will get the asking price.
“The market on big yachts has gone down,” said Staluppi, who’s currently building a 200-footer. “Banks aren’t financing and the economy is off. It’s a buyer’s market.
“Unless he sells to someone who wants to brag that he’s got Tiger’s yacht, he’ll get about $20 million.” (Via Page 2 Live)
If I wanted something that Tiger used to have so I could brag to my friends, it would probably be his smoking hot ex-wife, her new home and the absurd fortune she got from the divorce. Especially considering the fact that trusted Tweeter Darren Rovell claimed yesterday that the sale ain’t happening.
Either way, I think instead of selling it, Tiger should host haunted sex tours during which he could tell people where he banged which college coed in which position and then – LOOK OUT! – it’s the attorney for a stripper with a semi-Blasian baby! Quick, everyone cast him away with this magical pile of cash before he haunts us for the next year or so. Whew, that was a close one!