JAY BRUCE! JAY BRUCE! JAY BRUCE!

06.02.08 10 years ago 9 Comments

Oh lordie. The specter of days where the long drag of regular season baseball is the only game in town is becoming all too real. Sure, the Stanley Cup Final is still technically going on (it's over, I know) and the NBA Finals are slated to begin one of these weeks (probably as foregone a conclusion), there's no avoiding the slog of summer to come.

MLB – Jay Bruce is hitting .591 through six games. Jay Bruce will get us out of Iraq and rebuild America's standing on the world stage. Jay Bruce will be the secret Democratic presidential nominee. Jay Bruce impregnates women by just thinking about them while masturbating. Jay Bruce can cure your cancer by hitting you with his bat. It's a time for bold predictions for the Reds rookie, who homered again Sunday in the Reds' 6-2 win over the Braves. Meanwhile, Ken Griffey Jr. is stuck on 599 home runs. Ah, the tension of reaching that big round number. Hopefully he can get there sometime in the Reds' final 105 games this season, or at least within the eight before he gets sidelined for the season.

The Cubs wrap up a perfect 7-0 homestand with a 5-3 win over the Rockies. The Cubs have the best record in baseball on June 1 for the first time since 1908, when they last won something or other. I guess it's decided then: not even God itself could stop the Cubs now. No, no, don't try to prove me wrong, higher power…The Rays and Giants get wins via walkoff homers. That's doesn't mean you can literally walk the basepaths. At least jog, people. It's the least you can do with your whole team waiting at home plate…Manny Ramirez, who often behaves in such an inscrutable manner that his actions can only be compared to other Manny behaviors, homers again a day after notching his 500th career homer. So…high-five? Don't do it to Big Papi. He's got a boo-boo on the wrist.

French Open – Novak Djokovic, Ana Ivanovic and Jelena Jankovic advance. Maybe they can celebrate at Trader Vic's.

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