11.07.07 10 years ago 36 Comments

Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey spent his bye week in his collegiate home of Miami (somehow this was preferable to his native Oklahoma. Hmm…), where he relaxed with friends and probably did some unspeakable things to girls in tube tops held up by breast implants.  He also handled a rude fan confrontation with aplomb.

Shockey had come in [to a restaurant] after spending the day fishing and was minding his own business, our spy said, when the troublemaker approached him. "Jeremy was with a few friends, and to his credit he kept his cool," we're told. "But then, he gets up to go to the bathroom and we see chairs flying and the guy gets his butt kicked." When Shockey came back he appeared as though "he was trying to break it up," said the witness. "But not before he swipes the University of Miami hat off the head of the guy's friend, telling him he's a disgrace to the school. The guy who originally picked the fight with Shockey was arrested after running down Alton Road. Shockey's friends rushed him out of the bar and onto a nearby boat."

You know, I've always thought Shockey was a retarded meathead, but it turns out he might be some kind of genius.  Yes, he "went to the bathroom," where I'm guessing he fixed his hair for a couple minutes, hummed a tune to himself, put his ear to the door to make sure there were the appropriate crashing sounds, then rushed to the scene to "break things up," a mere minute too late to save his heckler's face from being pounded in.

And the getaway boat?  Very nice touch.  That's the great thing about Miami.  Everywhere you go there's a canal.  Or an inlet.  Or a fjord. 

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