JESUS, GIVE BIRTH ALREADY

08.09.07 11 years ago 24 Comments

Sweet mother of mercy!  Bridget Moynihan is STILL pregnant?  I thought she gave birth like two years ago.

My mind is still reeling from the notion that her uterus hasn't split yet, so I'm just gonna go with what I wrote back in April:

This baby is gonna be a fucking giant.  It's gonna come out in a suit of armor or something.  She better pray for a C-section or she's just going to split in two during delivery. "Congratulations, ma'am, your baby is three-foot-six and weighs 65 pounds."  And the kid'll be like, "Hey, ma, got a smoke?"

I understand Tom Brady is a big dude, but there's no way that's his baby.  The father has gotta be Galactus, eater of worlds — which suddenly gives the Brady-Galactus "Who's Now?" battle so much more meaning. 

Seriously, though: Bridget Moynihan is gonna get eaten alive by whatever that is inside her.  It's too late for her, save yourselves!

[Thanks to reader Jeff; also, TMZ has the bigger, undoctored picture. Treat it like the sun: don't look directly at it.] 

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