Joey Votto Is Kind Of A Dick

Senior Writer
07.15.10 22 Comments

Joey Votto has shown for the past few years that he’s on the verge of being one of baseball’s top first basemen, and so far this season he’s proving his point by putting up better numbers than even Albert Pujols. For his efforts, Votto was snubbed by the main All-Star fan vote and by coach selection for reserves, but a late “Vote Votto” promotion helped fans recognize his efforts and make him the final player voted in for the National League roster. Unfortunately, nobody told him he’d be playing with any of those damn dirty Cubs.

Marlon Byrd was the lone representative for the Chicago Cubs at the 2010 MLB All-Star Game, and aside from eventual MVP Brian McCann, he had arguably the most important performance. With a full count and two runners on ahead of him, Byrd laid off a fastball to walk and load the bases. McCann then drove all three runs home. Then in the bottom of the 9th, Byrd threw out David Ortiz at second to keep the tying run from entering scoring position. The NL ended up winning 3-1, ending a 13-year skid. To most of his teammates, this was a great performance. To NL Central rival Votto, big freaking whoop, bro.

I’m not going to show appreciation for you getting this quote,

“I don’t like the Cubs,” Votto said. “And I’m not going to pat anybody with a Cubs uniform on the back. But because he made that really cool play, it turned out to be a really cool experience. I’m really glad we got the win today.”

Meanwhile, Votto plays for a NL team – the first place Cincinnati Reds, to be specific – and his team would obviously benefit from the World Series home field advantage that Byrd helped the NL secure Tuesday night. When asked for comment, Votto responded: “Whatever bro, can’t spell scrubs without Cubs. Hey, what does Cubs stand for? Completely useless by September, dude! And what about the Cardinals and that Pujols guy? More like Puss-jols! Right? Matt Holliday? More like Matt Holli-GAY! Oh snap!”

He then flicked a booger at Ryan Braun and made out with Evan Meek’s mom.

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