Johnny Manziel Has Finally Been Sealed In His Own Fortress Of Solitude

Senior Writer

Because people love to act outraged at everything, TMZ thought it was so shocking and incredible that Texas A&M quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel was photographed partying after he led the Aggies to a victory in the Cotton Bowl to cap their remarkable 11-2 season. Then people began raising eyebrows and calling shenanigans when Manziel was spotted courtside at several NBA games, and of course we’ve all been well aware that Johnny Football is dating aspiring model and perfectly-named WWE Diva heel Sarah Savage.

Well, all of that attention has now made it impossible for Manziel to focus on the one thing he actually attends Texas A&M for – making the school millions of dollars for winning games attending class.

Johnny Football revealed on Monday that he’s taking all of his classes online this spring, a decision he came to after an eye-opening experience while attending an English class.

“I went one day — it was a small class of 20 or 25 — and it kind of turned into more of a big deal than I thought,” he told reporters in Fort Worth, Texas, where he received the Davey O’Brien Award as the nation’s top quarterback.

“It just happened to work out where it was good after the football season with all of the stuff going on,” he said of the decision to take online classes following the stir in his English class. “It was a good time not to have to worry about being on campus and some other things, too.” (Via NY Daily News)

I don’t get it. What was the big deal? Was he walking to class before he was suddenly chased by every student on campus like David Spade at the end of PCU? Did all of the girls just suddenly tear their clothes off and begin sexually assaulting Manziel? I know them English majors are crazy horny, but that sounds a bit ridiculous.

This just sounds like a case of Johnny Football being too big for his britches and not wanting to run elbows with the common man. I have no qualm with that, though. It’s why I write my posts on the 5th floor of my public library, so none of my supermodel stalkers can get to me through the front line of masturbating homeless men. Isn’t that right, ladies?

Desperation is an illness.

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