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Please Allow Jose Canseco To Explain Why He Wants To Send A Nuclear Bomb To Mars

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Jose Canseco hasn’t done great with his 2015 predictions (still three weeks to go!) but the former MLB slugger has some new thoughts about the future, and once again they involve Mars, for some reason.

Canseco decided to take to Twitter on Thursday evening to discuss with his 506,000 followers his theory about how us human beings on planet Earth could one day live and prosper on Mars, and it sure seems like he really thought this whole thing through.

Move over scientists, Jose Canseco has got this all figured out. The calculations have been completed, and all takes is nuking those pesky polar ice caps and redirecting one of Saturn’s moons which I’m sure is as easy as it sounds. Canseco is even one step ahead of you as he has thought through that missing magnetic field that you were going to bring up. Who knew that the former six-time All Star also has one of the most brilliant minds of our generations. Canseco has even filed for his first patent.

Even though Canseco clearly has run numerous tests to prove his hypothesis, the folks over at Motherboard asked a couple of actual astrobiologists just to be sure.

The astrobiologist who did get back to me didn’t want to be quoted by name because it’s so insane, but told me that the idea of “moving Triton” is totally nuts—and oh, by the way, Triton is a moon of Neptune, not of Saturn. Moving a moon is not something that’s easily done, especially when the vague plan is to have the giant celestial body traverse the orbits of Uranus, Jupiter, Saturn, and the whole of the asteroid belt before ultimately having it crash into a planet.

Back to the drawing board, Canseco.

 

 

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