Over the weekend, Juan Uribe was the unlucky recipient of a ground ball straight to nuts. That ball, which traveled at a speed of 106 MPH straight into his testicles (thank you, Statcast), sent him to the hospital. He was later diagnosed with a “testicular contusion,” which is fancy talk for a bruised beanbag.
When we initially wrote about the unfortunate incident, we wondered whether Uribe was wearing a protective cup at the time. As it turns out, he wasn’t. On Monday afternoon, he revealed why, and his reason is pretty incredible.
Juan Uribe said today he doesn't wear a cup because the trainers don't have one in his size…. Then he said I'm serious.
— Andre Knott (@DreKnott) June 13, 2016
That’s right … it seems that Uribe’s dong is so large that they don’t carry protective cups in his size. I’m not sure how that’s even possible — or why he couldn’t at least have one specially made — but congratulations to him, I guess?
Then again, if his junk wasn’t so outrageously large, he probably would have been able to avoid a trip to the hospital over the weekend. From all indications, it sounds like the medical staff on duty had their hands full.
Maybe this is Uribe just having a sense of humor with the media, but when you consider the “I’m serious” kicker and the fact that he’s current nursing a pair of battered testicles, it seems like there’s a legitimate chance that this guy’s oversized package is actually compromising its owner.
