One of the bad things about blogging full-time is that it's really cut into my crimefighting. Thankfully, there are martial arts experts who are willing to step in for me. This is from the Los Angeles Times (another newspaper that thinks it's so fucking great because it requires registration):
A robbery attempt about 3 a.m. was thwarted by Dave Lochert, owner of the fight club and not the first person you want to see after smashing your way through a storefront window. Lochert is trained in seven types of self-defense — judo, taekwondo, white crane kung fu, ninjutsu, muay Thai, boxing and kickboxing — and has been ranked third in the World Kickboxing League.
Dochert was in his club planning for a weekend bout when he heard the sound of shattering glass and went next door to take a look. There he spotted the robber at the service door of the salon. Dochert gave chase down the street, across a parking lot and down an alley before catching the would-be thief, dispossessing him of the hammer he was holding and leveling him with two punches to the stomach…
This is the kind of story that makes me wonder how pacifists are able to look themselves in the mirror. This proves that violence is not only necessary, it is AWESOME.
However, I would have liked some more information from the story: what kind of hammer was it? Claw hammer? Ballpeen? Ballpeen is more fun to say, but I have to go with the claw for my gruesome fantasies. I'm pretty sure that if this were a movie that I wrote, Dochert would have opened up the robber's skull with the claw hammer, then gone home and had sex with his two girlfriends. I know, I know: box office smash.