And That’s Why You Never Play Soccer

The unexpected theme of the week at With Leather has been “soccer is a bad idea and hurts everyone”. We’ve written about a soccer player driving a Porsche through the front of a convenience store at 5:30 in the morning and another sliding dong-first into a goal post trying to stop a shot, not to mention Taiwan’s perspective and a sniper’s on the epidemic of diving. It’s like an entire world of people who cried wolf, then didn’t have anyone around to help them when they lost a testicle or obliterated an entire rack of Funyuns with a luxury automobile.

In the latest example of soccer hurting everyone who goes near it, “football practice goes wrong” chronicles the efforts of a dad who puts his tiny baby child in goal, then blindly kicks a ball toward it as hard as he can as if nothing would happen. I mean, he acts like it was an accident, but all signs point to this guy piefacing an infant for fun and showing it to the Internet. Why even make the kid stand there? SMDH at you, soccer guy.

Now the official list reads:

1. Do not have children.

2. Do not kick soccer balls at childrens’ faces.

3. Do not video tape yourself doing numbers 1 or 2.

[via Sportress]