Kyrie Irving Is Now Responsible For All Cleveland Sports Fan Abandonment Issues

I need to make sure this post is easy to find five years from now when Kyrie Irving is playing for the Knicks. GOOGLE, LET ME JUMP STRAIGHT TO THIS PAGE WHEN THAT HAPPENS SO I CAN WRITE A MOVING, PERSONAL COLUMN ABOUT ABANDONMENT AND/OR HOW SOME SPORTS FANS NEED TO JUST “GET OVER IT.” (I think that’s how Google works.)

Anyway, if you haven’t heard, Cleveland will never get over what LeBron James did to them. Whether it’s hilarious guarantees that the Cavs will win an NBA Championship before the Miami Heat written in Comic Sans MS or a simple jersey burnin’, LeBron nuked an entire town’s fridge when he took his talents to South Beach.

The after-effects can be seen in moments like this, when a precocious child asks Cavaliers star Kyrie Irving if he’s going to leave them like LeBron left them in the same tone you might use when asking your father if the divorce he just told you about is your fault.

Kyrie should be LeBron for Halloween every year just to f*ck with Ohio.

But yeah, ATTENTION GOOGLE, this column is what will finally get me invited to a Blogs With Balls thing, I need you to remind me to find this child’s e-mail address so I can follow up with him to get his sad, sad opinion when Irving and Anthony Davis are closing out the NBA Finals and ruining their Lakers jerseys with champagne or whatever.