The LA KISS Arena Football Jerseys Are Here And They're A Fiery Mess

If you’re both ready to rock and for some football, then the LA KISS Arena Football League franchise is the team for you. When the franchise was first announced last August as the third of its kind in Southern California’s AFL history, it sounded like a hilarious joke and stunt for a Mountain Dew commercial. But it was completely true, and Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley (along with KISS manager Doc McGhee and AFL veteran owner Brett Bouchy) are honest-to-rock-god owners of their very own team.

Yesterday, the KISS unveiled their new uniforms, which are slightly different from the variations that they originally showed off in the promotional image above. Instead, they turned up the figurative heat with an overload of flame designs, and it’s safe to say that this will be the go-to sports jersey for everyone from Bam Bam Bigelow to Guy Fieri.

First, here’s what an actual LA KISS player will look like:

No word yet on whether or not the players will also be wearing giant spiked boots with skulls on their kneepads, but I assume that’s a given. And this is what one of the LA KISS cheerleaders will look like if she’s wearing a helmet on the field:

Just in case you’re curious, and I like to think that I know you perverts by now, this is what the cheerleaders look like when they’re not wearing helmets and standing with their hip dad:

This is what their dad looks like when he’s lost and doesn’t know why he’s holding this strange shiny head basket:

Now, if you’re wondering if Gene Simmons has what it takes to be a pro sports franchise owner, check out how well this guy can pander. This is a clip from last September, but look how well this guy circles the wagons on a FOX News appearance, not only hilariously claiming that the KISS were about to sign Tim Tebow, but then railing against the NFL and those who would persecute Tebow for his beliefs. Simmons still doesn’t give a f*ck with his old lady hair helmet.