Lance Armstrong Sucks Now

07.20.10 8 years ago

That one bicycle race in France is happening right now. It’s the one where they literally tour the country, oh, what’s it called again? Anyway, our not-quite-fallen hero Lance Armstrong hasn’t been doing so hot. He’s not even the fastest rider on his team, and the one that is, Levi Leipheimer, is more than five minutes off the pace.

His entire team, in fact, is riding in a way that indicates they are primarily focused not on sheltering Leipheimer but on winning the team classification — a ranking based on the times of the first three riders of each team who finish each day. If RadioShack maintains its 4:10 gap over Caisse d’Epargne in this category, they will get to stand in front of the crowd during the awards ceremony in Paris and earn 50,000 euro. –MSNBC.

I really don’t know what any of that means, other than “no eighth Tour de France win for Lance Armstrong.” But if there’s a silver lining to mediocrity, it’s that people stop accusing you of cheating. Of course, there’s a better way–just don’t go to France. The French don’t really know what it means to work at anything. Just think of all the caffeine that they waste in a given day.

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