Lance Armstrong Wants Us To Feel Bad About All Of The Money That He Has Lost

Hey, remember last year when Lance Armstrong spoke to Oprah Winfrey in a two-part special and he admitted that in all of these years of swearing to the highest heavens that he never cheated in cycling, that he was actually lying the whole time? Well, this is going to blow your mind. In a new interview with the BBC, Armstrong, who is currently being sued by more people than are actually alive on planet Earth (I think), admits that this whole thing has been really tough on him, and he just hopes that when all is said and done, he receives the same treatment as the other lying cheater scumbags.

But let’s go back to that part about how hard this has been on Armstrong for a second. Hey Lance, sing us a tearjerker, won’t you?

“It’s been tough,” he said. “It’s been real tough. I’ve paid a high price in terms of my standing within the sport, my reputation, certainly financially because the lawsuits have continued to pile up.

“I have experienced massive personal loss, massive loss of wealth, while others have truly capitalised on this story.”

Asked if he regretted doing the interview with Winfrey, he responded: “I was going to have to answer the questions anyway.

“There were plenty of lawsuits in place that would have put me in the cross-hairs.” (Via the BBC)

Oh no, Lance has experienced massive personal loss and massive loss of wealth? Do I even have a GIF that properly conveys my personal response to this hilariously dipshitty quote?

Armstrong also thinks that the current inquiry by the UCI could be devastating to the sport, in regard to other bad things that could be uncovered. I assume he means murdered hookers, blood farms and organ trafficking, because not much else will make me stop dismissively wanking at every word out of Armstrong’s mouth.