How Not To Prepare For The Super Bowl: Man Found Dead In ‘Beer Cave’

01.25.13 5 years ago 7 Comments

Bad news out of Kenner, Louisiana this week, as something called the “Beer Cave” has taken a man’s life.

Kenner Police say a man died inside a beer cooler at a convenient store on Airline Drive overnight, but no one knew he was there until they found his very cold body this morning.

“We have a gentleman that went into the Beer Cave, where you can go in and select beer from inside the cooler. It appears that he had experienced some type of medical problem,” Sgt. Brian McGregor told WWL First News.

McGregor says surveillance video shows the man clutching his chest in the cooler around 10:30pm last night and then collapsing. They found him after 7:00am.

The coroner is conducting an autopsy, but police do not suspect any foul play. (Via WWL First News)

First and foremost, I blame Coors Light’s latest ad campaign. Every time I see those guys chipping frosty beers out of mountains only to carry them through a cooler to thirsty tailgaters, I can’t help but think that someone out there has to be dumb enough to think that beer comes from a mountain. I mean, have you seen how stupid Facebook is making people?

But I don’t like to make fun of a person’s death unless it involves someone in Florida being shot because they pooped on someone’s floor and then masturbated. Instead, I see this strange death as a precautionary tale for everyone as the Super Bowl approaches.

Be careful, NFL fans. We already have bizarre stories of fans falling from their upper deck seats and bros puking all over women’s bathrooms because they’re too wasted. Let’s look out for our fellow NFL fans and especially those who like to enjoy a few adult beverages during the big game, because as this collection of GIFs tells us, responsible drinking should be joyous.

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