Man Sets Asinine World Speed Record

Senior Writer
09.08.10 5 Comments

Perry Watkins is an English inventor who also has an appreciation for speed and innovative automobile design. He currently holds world records for the lowest car ever driven and for the smallest working car ever made. For that distinction he attached a 150 cc engine to a child’s toy van and drove it (video after the jump). But both of his previous feats paled in comparison to his one true desire – driving furniture at high speeds.

Watkins spent the past year building a dining room table car so he could break the Guinness World Record for fastest furniture, previously established by a guy who drove a couch in 2007. Watkins accomplished his goal over the weekend, reaching a top speed of 130 mph with his table, dubbed “Fast Food” *slide whistle*, during two laps on a race track.

Finish your vegetables before you excuse yourself, Telegraph:

A 1994 Reliant Scimitar Sabre underneath the table, boosted by a nitrous oxide kit, provides the thrust for the makeshift vehicle.

Mr Watkins, who has put together a number of unusual cars with his own hands, said Fast Food took about a year to build in his garage.

While I’m no expert on world records, specifically those that deal with the land speed of wooden furniture, I’m going to break this down to help get a grasp of what Watkins actually accomplished here:

  1. Watkins built a dining room table.
  2. He decorated it with dishes, candles, chairs and even fake food.
  3. He placed the table on top of a 1994 Reliant Scimitar Sabre, which is apparently the second fastest version of the Scimitar ever built.
  4. He drove the car with a table on top of it at its top speed on a race track.
  5. He claimed the world record for furniture speed.
  6. Profit???

I’m sure there had to have been more to this than just the obvious, at least I hope that’s the case. Because if this was seriously just a situation of a guy strapping a table to the top of a car and driving real fast in the name of claiming a world record, I’d like to point the attention of Guinness to any college campus in America. Have you ever seen a broke sophomore steal a mattress from his dorm on moving day? I scoff at your 130 mph, Mr. Watkins.

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