Manny Being Awful

Pro Wrestling Editor
09.13.11 6 Comments

That lovable, wacky Manny Ramirez, always watching cartoons in his underwear in his GM’s office, always taking secret pee breaks behind the outfield fence, always, uh, retiring from baseball to avoid drug scandals. Always … beating his wife? This isn’t going where I want it to go. I guess I should recap this from the beginning.

This morning:

Manny Ramirez allegedly slapped his wife in the face with an open hand … causing her to hit her head against the headboard of their bed … this according to the police report.

TMZ broke the story … Manny was arrested at his home in Florida yesterday for battery in a domestic incident.

According to the report, Juliana told police she and the MLB slugger were arguing in the bedroom when Manny … “struck her in the left side of the face with an open hand causing her to hit her head against the headboard of the bed.”

A little later in the morning, Manny appeared at a Boward County courtroom for a bond hearing wherein the judge issued a no contact order and barred him from having any contact with his wife. By 8:30 TMZ was all over the place, flooding their page with nearly every aspect of the story including the 911 call, which makes the situation sound a little bit more like Manny, but still far too weird and casually disturbing to be as funny as it sounds:

During the call, Juliana tells the operator, “Hi, my husband just hit me.”

When the operator asks if she’s safe … Juliana replies, “He’s not doing anything anymore ’cause he knows I’m calling the police.”

As of 9 AM, Manny was being released from a Florida Jail after posting $2,500 bond and ingratiating himself to local media by snatching microphones out of their hands and throwing them. I’ve spent so long trying to find the humor in situations like a football player being stabbed in the stomach by his wife or someone getting nerve damage trying to pry frozen burger patties apart that it takes a few of these posts in a row to get me feeling maudlin, and man, I really do not want to spend the rest of my day and life thinking about Manny Ramirez slapping a woman, going to jail, and then getting pissed at reporters who want to know why he hit his wife in the face.

Regardless, I think the Lady Cop will be in heavy rotation tomorrow.

[via the entirety of TMZ]

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