Matt Leinart Promoted due to Kurt Warner Suckage

09.25.06 12 years ago

Sources have told ESPN's Chris Mortensen that Matt Leinart will start for the Arizona Cardinals beginning next week. Right. "Sources". Sources is a nice way of saying "Dennis Green told me off the record, because he hasn't broken the news to Kurt Warner yet."

Jeez, Kurt Warner. I know he was due to lose his job sometime this year, but I figured it would be from an injury, and not until Week 6. But yeah, you don't make a case for remaining the starter when you throw three INT's (two in the red zome) in a game you lose by two points. And the game-losing fumble on a snap in field goal territory didn't win him any friends. That makes 8 fumbles in three games, I think. It was hard to count them all because they happened so frequently. Even Daunte Culpepper's watching SportsCenter and saying, "Wow, this guy can't hold on to the ball." And Dave Krieg's like, "Seriously, are his hands smaller than mine?" And Jim Abbott's wondering why he became a pitcher instead of a quarterback.

Anyway, good luck to Matt Leinart. A lot of people say he'll never be a good NFL quarterback because his arm isn't strong enough or because he has too many girlfriends or because of his Hollywood looks. But they said that about me, too, and I made it. So I'm pulling for him. We're practically the same person.

What's that? He impregnated his ex-girlfriend after breaking up with her, slept with Paris Hilton, and is friends with Nick Lachey? Wow. Nevemind what I said. I could never be friends with Nick Lachey.

Note: That's Matt with Kristin Cavallari from that MTV reality show that feels too staged to be about real people but too poorly acted to be entirely scripted. I would drink a gallon of her pee just to see where it came from. 

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