It’s the day of the big Mayweather-Pacquiao fight and The Money Team Minions still haven’t come up with a proper entrance to the ring. Big dance numbers and rap video reenactments
were deemed as “unworthy.” Fearless Leader called in an emergency meeting with his team.
Floyd Mayweather, Jr.: Minions! You have all failed to provide an entrance worthy of my participation.
Money Team Minion #7: But sir, I still don’t see how a big gold tank isn’t worthy-
FMJR: Silence! Because of your failings, I had to call in a professional Entrance Planner by the name of Michael Bay.
MTM #9: Like the movie director?
FMJR: After a few mill and some drinks I got to call him whatever I wanted. Now let’s go over the plan.
[pulls out blueprints]
MTM #6: Umm, sir? Will you be needing my help to… you know.
FMJR: No, I can follow the pictures.
It starts by showing us on the Jumbotron. I’m in a parade a few blocks away. Leading the way are some pyrotechnics and fire breathers. Mike always goes by the three Fs: Fire’s F*cking Fantastic. I’ma be leading a parade float with Jay Z, Kanye, Drake, and Kendrick behind me. They’re all trading bars over music provided by the marching band and choir playing behind them. I let Hov put the thing on Tidal, cause homie is kinda desperate right now. We’ll also have helicopters for the helicopter shots. It’s like Mike says: Helicopter’s Hella Handy.
Plus they’re gonna need something special to see me riding a dinosaur.
All MTMs: A DINOSAUR?!?!
FMJR: Two dinosaurs actually. I’m gonna have a T-Rex for the outside, and a Yoshi to ride to the ring. Apparently they gave Mike a couple real ones after the last robot car movie.
Once we get to the arena entrance, that’s when the trapeze artists start doing their thing. We’ll also have some indoor fireworks while loads of confetti are constantly dropping from the ceiling.
MTM #13: Isn’t that kinda… flammable?
FMJR: I’ll refer you back to the Three Fs.
After the rappers walk me to the ring we hear the sound of clanking bottles.
DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! YOU GONNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAA PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!
Diddy then runs out with two Ciroc bottles to finish that Drake beat down from before. He’ll be thwacking Drake in the head while pouring cognac on the wounds and ad-libbing in his face.
MTM #5: Like some hip-hop “Stone Cold” Steve Austin?
FMJR: [sigh] Yes like a hip-hop Stone Cold. And then once security finally comes in and clears everyone out, I grab the in right mic and say “What an undercard!” The crowd laughs, the I go on to kick that other guy’s ass like he was whatshername… ALLEGEDLY.
MTM #4: Sir, we just got a message from Mr. Bay that the T-Rex got loose and is rampaging through California right now
FMJR: F*CK!
MTM #4: He also says that the cross and crown of horns are in place for “Plan B.”
FMJR: [sighs] Fine then. Minions dismissed!