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You may have woken up screaming from feverish nightmares last night and somehow just known this, but Madonna is performing at this year’s Super Bowl halftime show. The news broke on SB Nation earlier today, and if you’re like me you’ve spent the last few hours going back and forth between “great, another 60-year old thrusting their hips at me between Dorito’s commercials” and “at least it’s better than the f**king Black Eyed Peas”.

It’s impossible to mention Super Bowl halftime shows and not mention the reason why they’re only allowed to be manned these days by responsible corporate types — we are still living in the shadow of Janet Jackson’s enormous metal titty and its impromptu appearance in 2004. Classic Madonna may have sought to top Janet, but modern Madonna is basically a yoga mom who only gets dragged out with Britney Spears or the cast of Glee need someone iconic to dance with.

Here’s a quick survey of Twitter opinion, courtesy of Off The Bench:


Madonna is performing at the Super Bowl? Maybe the Bills really are good this year, considering we’ve warped back in time 20 years.

@bruce_arthur Bruce Arthur

Madonna performing at halftime of the Super Bowl? I bet Joe Montana and John Elway will really enjoy that before they play the second half.

@joshlewinstuff josh lewin

Madonna playing SB halftime this yr after BEP last year.. we keep creeping backwards here, people. by SB48, it’s going to be Boz Scaggs.

@gourmetspud Gourmet Spud

They need to stop letting Al Davis’s grandfather pick the Super Bowl halftime acts.

The Super Bowl halftime show is just like everything else in the world: run by the elderly, because nobody young knows how to handle it. Here’s to hoping she goes full 90s Madonna on us and makes out with Naomi Campbell onstage to the terror/delight of all.