Morning Links, And You Didn’t Even Dribble!

The tracking issues make it appropriately macabre.

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McDonald’s Hamburger Left Out For a Year Remains Exactly the Same – Yeah, but it only costs a dollar! Derp derp derp /drinks gasoline [The FW]

These Ron Swanson And Other Pop Culture Hoops Deserve All The Bacon And Eggs We Have – I was about to dismiss these (“oh great job, UPROXX, more Star Wars parodies”) until I got to No-Face from Spirited Away. More productive nerds need to be into good anime. [UPROXX]

Our Long National Nightmare Is Over: Akira Production Offices Shut Down – And speaking of good anime, thank Christ this honky piece of sh*t isn’t going to exist anymore. [Gamma Squad]

Why The Heck Isn’t Gary Busey The National Spokesperson For Kia? – And while we’re at it, why isn’t ‘I’m With Busey’ on DVD somewhere? [UPROXX]

The 15 Biggest Flops of 2011 – I’ve been reading about movies on the Internet for 15 years and I still don’t understand how something that had a 75 million dollar budget and made like, 130 million at the box office is a flop. People are greedy and weird. [Film Drunk]

Goalie Tim Howard Scores From Own Half – Time to bring back all those “if our rap blog is writing about soccer, I get to write about Childish Gambino” jokes from six months ago. [Smoking Section]

Zooey Deschanel Is Quite A Catch, Financially – Also in every other field, except making Having A Good Show and/or Ukelele Avoidance. [Buzzfeed]

Shirtless Obama Plays Football, Eats Sand – After that whole “signing a bill that will get me thrown in jail for the rest of my life for trying to visit the Lincoln Memorial too close to sunset or whatever” act, I’m losing interest in watching our President be a cool guy. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

7 Things About the ‘Justified’ Cast that You Probably Didn’t Know – One day I’m going to figure out if this show is like ‘The Wire’, where people bug me to watch it for years and it’s the best show in history, or like ‘The Shield’, where people bug me to watch it for years and I’m perfectly okay ignoring it forever. [Warming Glow]

David Beckham Bewildered About Why People Think He Is A Secret Homosexual – Spoiler alert: it’s because every male who isn’t 100% masculine is a danger to 100% masculinity. That’s a defining aspect of masculinity … being challenged by everything for no f**king reason. [FARK]

20 Suggested Names for Benedict Cumberbatch’s ‘Star Trek 2’ Villain – Zinglebert Wambledack? Englebert Slaptyback? Jerry Dorsey. [Moviefone]

Cosplay Photoshopping GIF Makes Me Sad – Photoshop is the devil, especially in situations like this where real-life accuracy is the entire point. Also, your arms looked fine before the photoshopping. [Unreality]

Yeah, I’ve Made Up Your Mind: Five 2012 Films You Might Not Know You Should Be Looking Forward To – Pajiba doesn’t know me at all, thinking I wouldn’t be excited for a Wes Anderson movie. Cloud Atlas sounds pretty goddamn hilarious, though. [Pajiba]